To the man who breaks my heart everytime

You can be such a bastard, yet I love you
You can be cruel and yet I still love you
You can be pig headed and I wanna be with you
You can be a liar and I still wanna be with you

Why?????

I let my heart hurt everytime you say "I can't see you"
I let my voice hurt after I scream at the top of my voice
I let my knees tremble when I do get to see you
I let my eyes tear up when you say goodbye


I hate you for what you've done to me.


I've become cynical
I've become annoying
I've become self righteous
I've become scorned
I've become neurotic
I've become self-conscious

Yet I still love you

And when you said "You don't need to wait for me"

I WILL ALWAYS WAIT FOR YOU....always and forever.

Sometimes I just want to give up everything that I've worked for between us
Because you don't give in
You don't let me in

Sometimes I think I'm better off with someone else
Someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved
Someone who will love me the way I am

Sometimes I think what would've happen if I didn't say what I've said that night 4 years ago.
Will you and I still be together?
Will you and I be in some sort of rut?
Will you and I be happy now?

Sometimes I wonder.....Are you still worth it?
I defend you when people say you're not
I put a smile on my face and say "I'm okay with him"
When clearly I am not.

Sometimes I wonder..Why am I jealous of those girls who you are close too?
You wanna know why?
Its because I'm afraid of losing you to them.
I'm afraid that one day you realize they are better than me.
I'm afraid you will realize they are the one for you.


Do you know that when I don't hear any news from you, you make me wonder..
"Is he okay?"
"Is he feeling well?"
"Is he safe somewhere?"
"Is he dead?"

If I didn't pick up the phone and make an effort to call, I will probably never know what has happened to you.


I hate feeling this way. And I hate thinking about you this way.

So are you worth it?

The answer is Yes.

I, probably 90% of time, hate your guts but that 10%.....

You make me laugh
You make me smile
You make me stand up for what I believe in
You make me be tough when things get bad
You make me feel safe
You make me feel proud for what I want out of my life
You supported me for whatever decisions I have made, good and bad
but most importantly....
You made me feel wanted and you accepted me for me.
You loved every inched of me
and You never judged me and what my family has gone through.
You endured those nagging calls and those tearful calls.
And you loved me eventhough I've made accusations that you didn't.

I do sometime think that you deserve someone less crazy than me.

But just remember this,

You will never find someone who challenges you
You will never find someone who stands up for you
You will never find someone who stands by you
You will never find someone who will drop everything just to be there for you
And you will never find someone who loves you they way I loved you

So, Mr. Rockstar, in spite of the my anger and disappointment

I will always love you
I will always be there for you
I will always wanna be with you
and I will always wait for you

I will wait for you

So please, let me get glimpses of your heart and soul as I did for you.

I love you